Your presence is developed through many factors: how you appear physically, the expression on your face, what you say and the tone you use, and what you do – the actions you take. The words that come out of your mouth can seem ugly to others, triggering reactions that cause them to reject or dismiss you. Choosing words and verbal habits to be attractive will draw others to you and encourage them to listen and follow you.
Here are 6 negative habits of speech that can make you less attractive and what you can say instead.
1. Gossiping
Speaking poorly of somebody who’s not present is a bad habit. We know that the person who is gossiping will be gossiping about us five minutes later.
Instead, use Eleanor Roosevelt’s rule: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
2. Judging
Speaking in a judgmental or critical way makes it hard for the listener not to defend, excuse, or rationalize in response. Often people will simply shut down.
Instead, speak neutrally by speaking descriptively rather than judgmentally. Remember that there is always more to the story.
3. Being negative
Speaking negatively makes it hard for others to listen. You’ll find others gradually running away.
Instead, speak with an optimistic spin or stay neutral with your assessments.
4. Complaining
It is very common to find things to complain about, and others may join the “feeding frenzy,” but it’s not attractive and doesn’t spread lightness around you.
Instead, if you must discuss an issue, explain it descriptively and follow it with one thing that might make a positive difference. Ask others to contribute their ideas.
5. Blaming
This involves finding ways to blame others or circumstances and not taking responsibility for your own involvement or non-action. Excuses don’t really help anyone, certainly not ourselves.
Instead, if you’ve made a mistake, the quickest way to get someone to listen is to begin with, “I’m sorry. I’d like to make this right.”
6. Exaggerating
Always using the words “great,” “awesome,” “fabulous,” etc. often lands on others as lying. After a while, your grandiosity gets dismissed and your credibility harmed.
Instead, keep it real. Use descriptive words that are helpful to others without sounding grandiose, such as “articulate,” “inspiring,” and “helpful.”
