Balance and Support

Well, it happened yesterday, that perfect storm hit when career and family collided abruptly without warning.  I had a work commitment in Philadelphia (about a 50 minute train ride from my home) and just completed the morning routine rush of getting my 6 ½ year old twin girls up, dressed, fed, lunches made and driven to school by 8am with time for me to stop for my chai latte and get back home to shower, dress and make an 11am train.    Everything was fine and on schedule when a phone call came from my sitter, who has been with my family for three years, who was in the emergency room waiting with her 12 year old son to have his knee examined and x-rayed.  She called to say she would be late. 

So, the dilemma, what do you do in this situation?

As a mom I empathized with her and asked all the questions:

What happened? Is he ok? Are you ok?

I knew by putting myself in her shoes, as a mom, if it were my child I would want to be there to support and take care of my child.

We all know that there are notoriously, long waits in emergency rooms.  Did she need the additional pressure of worrying about picking up my children at 3pm?  Could I really ask her to leave her son alone to pick my kids up?

This is an unusual event, she has a terrific work ethic and we view her as part of our family.  She was clearly worried.  As an employer and friend, I told her not to worry about us, that her family takes priority and asked her to keep me posted.

Usually, I would reach out to my network of usual suspects of friends, relatives and husband to help out.  My husband was busy preparing for an audit committee and board meeting this week.  My mother and father were working, my mother-in-law wasn’t around.  It became overly complicated with friends and their kids busy schedules of afterschool programs.

Luckily, I was able to reach my colleague to reschedule.  Although we were both disappointed, being a working mom herself, she understood.  I’m fortunate that I have my own business and I wasn’t at a client event or meeting and this time I was able to be flexible. 

I took advantage of this time and wanted to make it fun.  I picked the girls up at 3pm, had another girl over for a play date and spent the afternoon cutting out paper animal costumes, having an animal dance party,  making their favorite dinner of homemade pasta sauce with pasta and lemon sorbet and strawberries for dessert.  

I couldn’t help wonder though, how many women have had similar situations occur and if their employers were supportive?  As an employer of a woman I felt compelled to support her in this personal emergency.  As a business owner with commitments I knew my decision to cancel my day came with disappointment and understanding.  Women need to support other women and be the role models for other women.

In my experience working in a large financial services firm, when I had a male boss they were supportive and understanding when a rare personal emergency occurred.  They knew this was not the norm and that I had a strong work ethic and delivered quality products and results. However, it wasn’t always the case with senior women who I worked with, especially those who did not have a family.  They applied what I call “the hazing method”.  They wanted to be known for not letting their personal life interfere with their work.  They made a choice to have a career and that needed to be the priority focus. They weren’t given “special treatment” for being a woman, so why should they give “special treatment” to other women who have the role as mom in addition to their work role.

Fortunately, that mindset didn’t and doesn’t work for me.  Balancing career and family is hard and it can work as long as you have support from the right sources.  The word balance doesn’t mean everything is equal at all times.  At certain times the scale tips one way towards career, for example, working late for several weeks on an important pitch, meeting or client project and at other times the scale tips towards family or personal life, for example, a sickness, birth, emergency or much needed vacation.  That is how I define balance.   

I encourage you to support each other and reinforce the need for women to act as role models and be supportive of other women.