Career Coach's blog

Whether or not you like Texas Holdem Poker, or poker at all, there are some great life and business lessons we can learn from the game.

I've written many articles on the psychology of poker for World Poker Tour Magazine and I play in a free Texas Holdem tournament once a week.  I'm a student of poker because it's fun, challenging, and it offers some great lessons to be learned.

Here are three lessons from the world of poker that can help us play a better game at work and in life.

• If It's Not Fun, Find Another Game

Have you ever played a game with someone who just wasn't having any fun at it? What about work, anyone there that's just putting in their time?

What's the point of work or life if we're not having a good time?

I'm not saying that work and life are always fun, but be honest with yourself, overall, are you having fun?

There's more than one game in town, even in the toughest of times.

• Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Lose

I don't care how good you are at Texas Holdem, or anything else for that matter, nobody wins every hand, not by a long shot. 

The same is true in business or relationships.  Things don't always go the way we'd like; it's important to keep both losses and wins in perspective. Doing so will enable us to stay in the game, play it well and have more fun in the process.

• The "All-In" Factor

Life and business teach us that we how much we get back is tied into how much we "put into the pot." 

In poker, going "all-in" means putting all your chips into the pot. If you put in half your chips, you can win only that much more (times the number of players who call your bet) so the more you put in, the more you stand to get back.

How much do we "put into the pot?" Everybody wants more from their jobs, their relationships, their health. But how much do we hedge our bets?

Are we willing to give more, to live and work from the mindset of "I'm all-in?"

The great thing about life in general, is that we live in a generous and abundant universe. So, unlike poker, we can go "all-in' at work and in life and not diminish our chip stack.

But going "all-in" has a lot to do with  the first lesson we discussed, doesn't it? If I'm not having fun at work or somewhere else in life, am I really going to give it my all? Not likely.

Three lessons from poker...there are a lot more, of course. But the more we learn to have fun, keep our wins and losses in perspective, and give it our all, the better everything gets.

There are certain topics that can quickly turn discussions into heated debate. Whether women or men make for better bosses and leaders is such a topic.

Attitudes and thinking about leadership in general have been changing over the past number of years. It seems that a high percentage of men and women agree on one thing: The "Command and Control" style of leadership just doesn't cut it anymore.

Employees are tired of being told what to do, and expected to do it...and then being critcized for not being "engaged" in the workplace.

Things are changing, or at least it's being talked about more. Okay, things are changing, just slowly.

There is a new Sheriff coming to town.

We just don't know if the new sheriff  going to be "Mr. Sheriff" or "Ms. Sheriff."

Who makes for the best Sheriff, men or women?

I think it's the wrong question.

Maybe a better question is "What can both genders learn from each other to be a better boss, a better leader?"

This isn't the time to be fighting or competing.

But,  it seems to be a great time to learn from each other and transform our workplaces, families, religious organizations, cities and countries.

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

About six years ago, my oldest daughter Dana graduated from Loyola University School of Nursing, took her boards and became an R.N.

Her dream was to be a  nurse in the pediatric intensive care unit at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago.

As she shared her dream with others, everyone told her that it doesn't happen that way. They said, "Nobody get's hired for the pediatric intensive care unit at Children's right out of nursing school. Nobody."

They said, "Get several years of good experience, first, and then go for Children's. You have to be realistic and smart about this."

Dana listened to them. After all, they were her friends and some of them were her advisors. So, she listened to them.

Then, she didn't listen to them any longer.

She listened to herself.

She wanted to start her healthcare career, not just at Children's hospital, but in their intensive care unit.

So, she went for what she wanted, knowing it was a stretch. Dana interviewed and sold herself during the interview. Despite not having any experience, Dana got her dream job. She's been there about six years now and loves what she is doing and where she is.

Now, she's working on her master's degree to become a Nurse Practicioner.

Good for her.

How did Dana get to where she is today?

There are many variables involved, no question about it.

But, here's one that we can all be reminded of:

You have to believe in yourself first.

If you do, others will.

If you don't, it can be a crap shoot.

Guess which one Dana chose?

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

Have you ever wondered what makes infomercials so successful? Exactly how do they keep people mesmerized long enough to whip out their credit cards?

I'm sure there are many key elements, and I'm no expert on infomercials, but I bet I know one secret. It's really kind of simple and I call it the "But Wait, There's More!" formula.

You know how it works. They describe what they're selling, going over the most persuasive details. They tell you the product isn't just fantastic, it's more than that, and they explain and demonstrate why.

Then, just when it seems like they're out of time and you're going to have to make a decision, they come up with "But wait, don't make a decision now, we're going to throw in something free if you act now."

They then tell you about the new add on.

You think it's over, but it's not.

"But wait!" they say. "There's even more."

And they keep doing that until you buy. Not you maybe. But enough of us to keep the infomercials rolling and very profitable.

Now, what does this have to do with self esteem?

In seminars and in working one on one with clients over the past twenty years, I've noticed one thing for sure.

Most people, myself included, haven't reached the pinnacle when it comes to self-esteem and confidence.

For intance, most people have a hard time coming up with fifty things they like about themselves or achievements they're proud of.

Sometimes, I'll ask a client to make such a list.

They start making the list, and start feeling pretty good.

They come up with 10, 25 or 30 things and then they hit a wall.

Try it some time and see how you do.

You can list anything you like about yourself, your body, your personality, your strengths, who you are.

You can list achievements that make you feel good.

I usually tell clients to come up with a list of one hundred. But they have trouble with fifty.

What would happen to our self-esteem and confidence if every time we thought something good about ourselves, instead of stopping there, we said:

"But wait! There's more!"

And we noted one more thing.

"But wait! There's more!"

And...well, you get the picture.

If infomercials can do it to sell whatever it is they're selling, why can't we do it to sell ourselves on ourselves?

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is an executive coach, speaker and writer.

The other day I was reading Jill Konrath's blog. I liked her topic and advice and posted a comment.

The next thing I knew, Jill e-mailed me to thank me for posting on her blog.

You might not think this is such a big deal, but it is. Not because of who I am, but because of who Jill is. Jill is the author of Selling To Big Companies, Snap Selling and the recent Get Back To Work Faster. Jill is also a popular speaker.

In her niche, Jill is a big deal, well known, quoted and referred to. She is a Superstar.

As I thought about this simple e-mail from Jill, here are a few lessons I've "re-learned." 

• Connecting with others is a matter of priorities; it's not a time managment issue.

Jill priortizes reaching out to others. That says a lot about her.

• Whether or not  I connect with others has more to say about me than it does anyone else.

Jill didn't reach out to me because I'm as well known. I'm not.

She reached out to me, not because of who I am, but because that's who she is.

• You never know what will happen when you make a connection to someone.

Jill certainly didn't know that I would blog about her in such a public and popular arena such as womenworking.com.

• The more successful we are, the more important it is to remember others, reach out to them and say "thank you."

Jill and I have never met, spoken to or e-mailed each other before. She had no reason to think that I could ever really benefit her.

Yet, here she was saying "thanks for posting on my blog." Jill is successful and busy. But evidently not too busy to remember that we never get to big to reach out to others when we can.

These are a few lessons Jill reminded me of. Thanks Jill!

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

Not too long ago, I was leading a seminar on emotional intelligence and we were discussing stress.

I made the statement that much of our stress is unnecessarily created by the way we think about, feel about and view the role of "rules" in our life. Someone asked me to give an example, so I did. 

I asked the audiance (about 45) "How many of you stop at a red light and wait until it turns green to go?" Everyone raised their hands. Me included.

Then I asked "How many of you would stop at a red light and wait until it turned green to move forward, if it were 2 a.m. and absolutely no traffic in sight?"

Again, all hands were raised...except mine.

I explained that I would certainly stop at the red light. But, I'm also likely going to go through the red light if there were absolutely no other vehicles around. I don't see the wisdom or the need to sit there and wait for some arbitrary "rule" to tell me when it's safe to move forward.

I didn't think it was such a big deal, but I've been wrong millions of times before. It was a bigger deal than I thought, to more people than what I would have thought. 

 Especially to one police sargeant in the group. He got quite upset and said I was teaching people to break the law.

Now, I'm pretty good at thinking on my feet, but I had to give that one some thought before I answered. After all, where would society be without rules and laws?

When I replied to him, here's what I said:

"I respect the law and I respect rules. And I respect those of you who serve the law and enforce the rules. At the same time, I think that rules and laws were meant to serve us, not the other way around.

So, there are times, when blindly adhering to a law or any rulebook defeats the purpose of the law or rule to begin with, which is to help us in some way, to enhance our lives."

The police sargeant didn't quite see it that way. He continued to stress himself out the rest of the day.

Now, you might be laughing at this police sargeant and thinking he really needed to lighten up.

But, it got me to thinking. How many "rules" did I fall prey to that did nothing more than bring the stress on?

What about you?

How can you tell?

Here's a really simple way. Ask a few people to let you know anytime you use these words:

• Should
• Ought
• Must
• Have to

These words are clues to when you are inferring that there is some rule out there that demands obediance.

Really?

Maybe, in more cases than we might think, we just might be better served by questioning a certain rule we have been living by and then deciding to do something different.

I'm just saying...

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

Whether you watch Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice" or not, there are some great business and life lessons to be learned. 

In a recent episode, Trump was in the boardroom to choose whom to fire next. The men's team had lost, and it was time for someone to be fired with Trump's usual flair.

Michael Johnson, the men's team leader, and olympic gold medal winner took full responsibility for the loss and said he should be fired; after all, he was the leader.

Seemed cut and dry, even to Trump.

Then the surprise came.  Darryl Strawberry, the famous and much loved New York baseball legend began to defend Johnson...and indicate that he should be fired.

As soon as he did that, I thought, "He WANTS to be fired."

Sure enough, it turned out that he did. But, it took a lot of effort for Trump to get him to admit that. He tried to deny it several times, then he gave in to the relentless Trump and came clean.

He was tired and wanted to go home.  So he did.

Not a shining moment for Strawberry.

It would be easy for me to speculate and comment on his decision to quit and go home. I think what I will do instead, is to take a look at myself and see where I have failed myself or others, have quit in some way, or where I'm not giving it my all.

Not to beat myself up, mind you. That would be a double mistake.

Instead, I'll use this opportunity to take a look at myself in a useful way. I don't really know what happened with Darryl Strawberry, and if I did, what could I do about it?

But, when it comes to me....that's a whole different ballgame; one that I can do something about.

http://www.alanallard.com  Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

Have you ever wondered why so many people fail to achieve certain goals they set?  For instance, think about how many people set weight loss goals and then go back to their old habits.

Twenty one years ago, I asked a successful personal trainer her take on this question. I asked her because she had an amazing track record of clients who achieved their goals for weight loss and overall health. These same clients went on to set and achieve new goals for better health.

I expected her to say that most people just weren't serious about their goals. In other words, they weren't prepared to do what they had to do to reach their goals.

To my surprise, her reply wasn't anything like that!

Here's what she said:

"Too many people try to do too much, too quick, and they get discouraged and throw in the towel."

Her secret as a trainer was that she started people at a level that made it impossible for them to fail. To put it another way, she put all the odds in their favor for them to succeed.

Along the way, she kept "upping the ante" just a little bit, always making it easy to succeed.

Yes, there is value to setting audacious goals. Goals that take your breath away. But the key to actually crossing that finish line is to make sure that the first step is taken, then the next, and the next..

What do you think? I invite your comments.

http://www.alanallard.com Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

About five years ago, my wife and I moved from Chicago to Atlanta. One of the motivations for leaving Chicago after nineteen fantastic years was to escape the cold winters and the snow. 

The first winter in Atlanta was amazing! No bitter cold, no more shoveling the driveway to get rid of mounds of snow! I loved it, every minute of it.

 That winter, however, to my shock, I heard person after person complaining (sometimes even wailing!) about how cold it was! At first, I thought they were kidding, but they weren't.

I remember telling several people that they didn't know what cold was...and that they would never hear me complaining about it being cold in the wintertime in Atlanta.

Fast forward two  winters later, my third one in Georgia. 

All of a sudden, I began to hear myself complain about the cold weather and the biting chill from the wind. When it realized what was happening, I began to laugh at how quickly I had begun to take the much warmer Atlanta winters for granted.

After all,  when it hit 32 degrees my first winter in Atlanta, that was pretty darn warm, compared to Chicago.

How did 32 degrees turn into "Wow, this is bitter cold!"?

I guess the answer is that when things improve, when we get what we want, it's easy for our excitement and gratitude to lose ground.

We begin wanting even more.  Our improved circumstances from a few months ago aren't new and shiny anymore. The luster is fading.

So, we forget how things were and how much better they are now. We want even more.

Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting more; that's what fuels progress.

But, why not remember how much better things are than they were a short time ago?

That promotion last year? Instead of it seeming like so far away and not good enough now, celebrate it again! Luxuriate in it!

The improved relationship? Celebrate the small changes and improvement and give them the status they deserve. Positive change, no matter the degree, is still positive.

Use that positive energy to create something even better. Use the gratitude for recent improvements to keep the wind in your sails while heading for sunnier ports. You'll get there faster and enjoy the trip so much more.

http://www.alanallard.com  Alan is a consultant, executive coach and speaker.

How do you manage your relationships at work or associated with work?  If you think about it everyone you come in contact with is a future potential opportunity.

When I reflect back over the last 10 - 15 years, I recognized that my merits, while a big contributing factor, weren’t the only factor to my achieving the next promotion, the next project, role, new job, new partner, collaborator and new client.  My strong work and personal relationships opened up doors and sometimes were the biggest contributing factor to my accomplishments.

My definition of a strong relationship is one that has mutual respect, mutual goals, respect for one’s differing goals, integrity and trust, and the ability to have the difficult authentic conversations with each other.  Each person in the relationship needs to feel they give as much as they get and where a shared experience has demonstrated the supportive nature for one another.

 I challenge you to think strategically about your relationships , the ones that are simple and need no effort, as well as, the more complex ones.  Think about relationships with prior managers, peers and how you can build, maintain and develop them.  Think about those relationships that need repairing which can potentially lead to building an even stronger relationship.  All these relationships may lead you to your next future opportunity.