4 Ways to Get a Grip When You Feel Like the Rug is Being Pulled From Under You
Have you ever had a time in your life when you feel like the rug is being pulled out from under you? Everything is changing, not in ways you hoped for.
How can you be at your best and be fearless when all you feel is fearful?
Find the eye of the hurricane
Get your brain out of its fear center. Any activity that enables you to calm your body and brain will help.
The fastest way to change your mind is to change your breath, so simply start with deep breathing from your belly. Place your hands on your belly and make sure they expand like a balloon when you breathe. Or breathe out for more counts than you breathe in (e.g., inhale for 4, exhale for 8) – that presses your “calm” button.
Your nervous system will be full of fear when things seem to fall apart, so it’s important to engage in extreme self-care in order to not get sick or too overwhelmed.
Consult your future self
You will be tempted to focus on all the things that are going on outside of you and try to halt or change them. Instead, find your answers within.
In your imagination, eject yourself above the swirl of the moment. Project yourself into the future when the situation has been resolved. From that vantage point ask: “What is the single best thing I did that got me through this situation?” Let your future self give you some high priced consultation!
Replace fear with forward action
You only feel fear when things feel out of your control. So take action on what you can control (and as you know my saying: “Be Impeccable for your 50%!”)
Make a list of all the things you can control in the situation. Your new ‘to do’ list is to be effective at each of those things you CAN control. Make a plan and pour your energies into implementing it.
Have a growth mindset
You can either have a “fixed mindset,” in which you think that what you know and who you are now is all you can ever know and be. Or you can have a “growth mindset,” in which you think you can learn what you need to know to have the life you want.
Often things fall apart at a time in your life when you need to learn new skills in order to do the work you are meant to do in the world. Rather than resent the people who caused seemingly bad things to happen (e.g., be mad at the person who said they wanted to end the relationship), trust that what you learn now will enable you to have greater success and happiness down the road.
Seal your susceptibility
Many people are fearful in times of uncertainty – but some people have even more susceptibility to getting triggered and feel it more intensely. This is often the case if you’ve grown up in a family where you were scared by an important person’s criticisms or lashing out.
Or if you’ve had a lot of pressure in your life to make sure that everything works out and doesn’t fail, because if it fails it would be “your fault.”
There are ways you can “heal” that part of you. That will enable you to be more “calm and rational” in those situations: you can stay in your process of learning rather than worrying the world will collapse.