Your heart breaks when the man you love lies to you. You feel betrayed when your best friend tells you an untruth. Your emotions rocket between anger and hurt. Then, you show up late for a meeting and explain to your boss or coworker that your apartment building lost power.…
Lynne Curry
Ph.D, Executive Coach
Lynne Curry is an executive coach and author of Solutions and Beating the Workplace Bully. To learn more, visit her websites: workplacecoachblog.com or bullywhisperer.com™ or follow her on Twitter: @lynnecurry10.
Entries Lynne Curry
You did it. You got the promotion; or landed the largest client you could imagine, beating out every competitor. Your presentation dazzled, and your manager and colleagues unanimously congratulate you, “Way to go!” Except a nagging voice inside your head won’t hush. Instead, it whispers, “Everyone’s going to realize you’re…
If you’re stuck working for a toxic boss whose bad behavior negatively impacts you––destroying your job satisfaction or creating stress that you take home––the situation quickly becomes personal. But what if you’re trapped in your job due to financial need or the lack of other job prospects? The approach you…
After you end the work, love or friend relationship, you learn how badly you’ve been manipulated. Worse, you realize that the longer you allowed the manipulation to continue, the more damage your manipulator did to your heart or career. Defeat a manipulator’s underhanded methods by recognizing these early signs in…
You escaped. You left a toxic environment. You feel free – except, you’re not. You first sense it your third week at your new job. Your boss snaps at you, or so you think. You freeze. Your boss doesn’t notice, but your coworker does. “What’s the matter?” she asks. Your…
Has a bully in your work or home life trampled you this week? What if I told you that you could turn the tables on them every time, without going toe-to-toe equally becoming a jerk? You can. Here’s how to stop a bully in his tracks. Take control A…
He dazzles. He charms. Before you know it you’re involved hook, line and sinker. The ugly truth: he’s so in love with himself he can’t love you. He’s entitled, exploitative and doesn’t even care he’s hurt you. Because he wants more admiration than any one woman can give, his faithfulness…
You fell for him. He told you he was a graduate of West Point, a Navy Seal, and had started a successful financial planning business. He seemed smart, had money to throw around and was oh, so male. When she joined the company in which you worked, you liked her…
She stops you on the street and asks you how far along you are. You stare, and then realize your stomach pooch is making her think that you’re pregnant. We all interact with nosy people who ask questions that put us on the spot and embarrass us. Even when it’s…
Offensive people – they ruin your day, tie your stomach in knots and give you headaches. Why not take control and rise above the offense? If you’re wondering how, try these six strategies. Take away their power The offensive person chooses to behave or speak indecently; choose not to be…
Is it nearly impossible for you to turn someone down – even when you want to? When someone you’ve enjoyed chatting with at the gym asks you if you want to grab a bite to eat afterwards, do you say yes because you don’t want to hurt his feelings, even…
Your coworker always seems to get into horrible, bristly moods. You wonder what you did wrong that set her off. Your friend wants to go to the movies to watch a film she’s been meaning to check out. After reading the movie’s reviews, you agree to accompany her. How come…
You never want to love again. Why put yourself through that much pain and suffering? So you put your walls up and stay within them. It feels safer; you learn to live there but you pay a price. You avoid heartbreak but lose what you most want – the chance…
Underhanded, pushy, conniving and blame-shifting. Manipulators -- they push our buttons. Sometimes they twist the knife into our self-esteem. Other times they push us into giving more than we should. Somehow, it’s always our fault or our job to make it right. Here are three scenarios to picture: “I really,…
Words have a price. Are you ready to pay for them? If you feel like you’ve said more than you should have, consider these realities: Never destroy a relationship you can’t afford to lose Your friend or co-worker blasts you. It’s tempting to blast back, but don’t. Once those words…
You know they’re trying to manipulate you. They know you know. But that doesn’t stop them. They’d love for you to buy their version of reality; from their perspective, they’re owed one more chance. So they pluck at your heartstrings, ask you for what they shouldn’t and demand what they…
Who do you hang out with? And what happens to you as a result? If you believe that the people you bring into your life impact you, consider these three kinds of people to bring into your inner circle: The truth-teller Do you have a friend you can count on to…
Who do you hang out with? Do they make you feel like you have what it takes to reach your goals? Do you feel energized after spending time with them? Do they make you feel better when things get rough? If you believe the people you hang out with impact…
Rude people. Nasty comments. Uncalled-for-insults. If you treat others well, but occasionally or regularly interact with others who don’t care how they treat you, and you don’t want your feelings to take you under like a rip tide, try these four strategies. "Teflon" Yourself We spray Teflon on pans so…
The first several times “Pete” asked you for help, you gave it freely. He now expects you to take over his partially completed projects when he “runs out of time.” This wouldn’t be so bad if Pete didn’t waste so much time or your own workload wasn’t so heavy. “Sharon”…
Bullies, who play a win/lose game, love it when you make mistakes that give them the upper hand. Your job – avoid those mistakes. By doing so, you change the game to win/win or at least level the playing field. Here’s what you need to know: Realize when the first…
You’re a great applicant. You’ve got the necessary experience and your resume intrigues prospective employers. Somehow, however, you lose out at the interview stage. If you’d like to ace your next job interview, you need have to convince the hiring manager you’re better than any other applicant. Here’s how: Demonstrate…
You’ve tried three times in a row, and not succeeded -- how come you can’t figure this out? Your coworker’s late again, putting you behind the 8-ball -- you’d like to wring her neck. Frustration with yourself or others winds you up and sucks the energy right out of you,…
It was a job you longed for at an organization you’d have loved to work for. You thought you had a good chance at landing it. You even told the interviewer, “I feel like this position description was written for me." You didn’t get it. They choose someone else. Do…
Which has happened to you? After you meet a crucial deadline, you expect your supervisor to congratulate or at least acknowledge your efforts. Instead, she critiques your methods; You think your coworker likes you until she blurts out her honest opinion of you and your flaws; what she says cuts…
If you’d like to advance up the career ladder, here’s what to say, and what not to: What to say: “What can I do to make myself more valuable to the company?” By asking for coaching, you signal you want to move forward. “How can I better help you succeed…
When five p.m. hits, you’re wrung out. Heck, you’re zapped of energy by mid-morning. You drag yourself to work five days a week, knowing the remaining two days won’t be sufficient to regenerate the energy you need. You work an energy vampire job, but it’s your job. So, what can…
Have you ever wondered what you did wrong that cost you the job, after a job interview that felt like it went well but didn’t result in an offer? Here’s a list of the eight common mistakes you might have made. The interview isn’t over until it’s OVER I’m always…
Are you being bullied at work, or at home? If so, you’ve probably learned that those who bully hope their targets make mistakes, because then the bully can seize the upper hand. Here are four of the biggest mistakes you’ll want to avoid. Letting it go too long It’s tempting…
You put your blood, sweat and heart into your job and company. When a promotion came open, you thought it was yours. Except it wasn’t; you were passed over. What now? Should you read the writing on the wall and look for a new job, elsewhere? Or takes steps so…
Which fits you? You loved your job when you first landed it, but now you’re bored; As your workload increased, you no longer have time to do many of the “extra” things you most enjoyed doing; A former supervisor or coworker moved on, and in her absence you realize talking…
Your coworker keeps it up all day long. You return from the staff meeting after you’ve reported on your recent and upcoming projects and he says, “You certainly made a mess of that.” You don’t want to ask him what he means, as that’s an open invitation to him dishing…
Bullies watch you for tells to see if you’ll be an easy target. They hope you’ll make a mistake so they can take advantage. Over the years, I’ve taught hundreds of targets and almost targets to outsmart bullies. Here’s a quick list of eight comments never to make to a bully…
As a young working mother who owned her own business, I struggled to balance the different parts of my life and learned six secrets for creating a sense of balance. Treat each part of your life as a vacation from the other part If you carry stress from one location…
When you enter the break room, the conversation stops. You feel the sideways glances your coworkers shoot at you as you walk down the hallway. No one tells you what’s going on, but you catch the vibe. There’s a rumor going around, and it’s about you. How do you silence the rumor mill…
Stop the bully dead in his tracks.Signal you’re not easy prey.Don’t feel humiliated by a remark that catches you off-guard and travels with you all day in your mind.You’ve got a dozen reasons for wanting a quick comeback that wards off the bully in your work or home life. Except…when you’re…
“How did I do?” you asked Stan. Stan shook his head and said, “Maybe others understood what you were saying. You seemed a bit unfocused.” Your heart sank. You’d sweated buckets over your presentation. Now you felt like kicking yourself for asking Stan for feedback. You share an office with…
Have you ever had the gut-sense someone was lying to you but weren’t sure? Or been fooled by a smooth talker? Or accused someone of lying, and later found out you were wrong? Would it help you to know that while accomplished liars smoothly spin reasonable sounding stories, even practiced…
You’ve put your heart and soul into a dream, but your priorities shifted, and your dreams are on the back-burner. Because you’re holding to this never-to-be dream, you’re not present to the life you now live. You cling to anger, or fear, or the past. Are you a holder-oner? Do…
Has a bully played a trick on you? Did you know how to respond? Bullies play tricks and wield weapons so they can dominate and win. If you’ve been on the wrong end of their blame/shame, insult barrage, or public humiliation games, you know how conniving a bully can be.…
It’s a problem, but you can handle it, and do. If you’re a secure, savvy woman, you tackle most challenges with gusto and dispatch. A few problems, however, require you getting help. How do you get your manager to hear you, and more importantly, to act on what you see?…
“If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be mad,” Wayne snarled. What had she done? Chatted with other women at the party? “I only yell because you don’t listen,” Hale insisted. If I don’t agree, thought Samantha, does it mean I didn’t listen? “If you’d backed me up, I could…
Few jobs, other than parenting, rival the challenges of supervising people. If you’re a supervisor, you’ll make mistakes. Forewarned is forearmed, however, and here are 6 common mistakes to avoid. Being a supervisor instead of a coach What’s the difference between coaching and supervising? Most of us value those who…
Do you eat when you’re upset, depressed, or to calm yourself down? When you’re celebrating or need a lift? When you’re angry, bored, anxious, sad, or lonely? If so, you turn to eating when trapped by a difficult situation or feeling. You use eating. Emotional landmine eating If you use…
You like Tori. You just didn’t expect her to get the promotion you wanted. You appreciate Josh. Or, at least you did until last week. It still stings that he upstaged you when you both spoke in front of the senior management team. When Susan asked you to join her…
When you first started your job, every day was shiny excitement. You learned new things and often wondered if you could keep up. The days now seem routine. You no longer look forward to coming to work. Is it you – or the job? Ask yourself these six questions: Am…
Have you ever landed a job, been excited by the “We’d like to hire you,” call only to experience applicant’s remorse? You wonder, “should I have accepted this job or waited for a better offer?” If you’d like to know for sure that you’ve landed the right job, ask yourself…
Do you work for the boss from hell? If so, you can suffer, bail out, or take action. If you’d rather not put up with your boss, but the economy or other reasons keep you from finding a new job, managing your relationship with your current boss may help you…
Over the last three months, you've gotten close to "Suzanne" and enjoyed confiding in her. She's shared personal stories with you. Suzanne's become more than a coworker; you count on her as one of your best friends. Last week, she took you out after work. She knew you were having…
Is your job meeting your needs? You could ignore this question; many of us do. After all, if we start asking ourselves unsettling questions about whether our job meets our real needs, we might not like the answers. Except -- if we don’t ask the questions, we don’t change. The…
The promotion you thought yours, isn’t. Your doctor schedules you for a biopsy, given a suspicious mammogram. Two people make snarky comments about your project in a staff meeting. Because there are two of them and they’re convincing, they influence your boss and he tables your project. The guy you’d…
Bullies love to push your buttons, to make you fear or react to them. When they succeed, they set a rigged game in motion and you play it. Don’t fall into their traps. Knowledge is power. You can learn to recognize and avoid a bully’s six traps. If you fall…
“How did I do?” you asked Stan. Stan shook his head and said, “Maybe others understood what you were saying. You seemed a bit unfocused.” Your heart sank. You’d sweated buckets over your presentation. Now you felt like kicking yourself for asking Stan for feedback. You share an office with…
You don’t want to play office politics? That’s like saying you’d rather be a pawn than a queen on a chess board. Those who ignore office politics – the reality of alliances, visibility and influence with or without authority –risk getting mauled or swept off the workplace chess board. If…
