Most of us have a fear of intimacy. It is scary getting close to someone else. You might wonder what would happen if you express how much you care about them. So how do we face our fears and move towards someone rather than push them away? How do we let go of the control, especially if we trust them and want to get closer? Here are some ways that may help.
You don’t have control of even the simple things. You may think you have control over some things. Yes, you have control over your actions and words, but the events of the world–even your day to day work goals, or day to day home responsibilities–you can do your best but there are so many factors that come into play as you go about doing these things that you have NO control over. Yet we all proceed anyway.
Reflect and get clear on what the “payoff” is of trying to control what you can’t really control. The payoff is keeping yourself at a distance and not being vulnerable and enjoying lots of “good times,” and dealing with the challenging times which are probably not as bad as you would project.
Remember, you trust this person. This is not someone unworthy of your care, concern and love. This is a person who has shown you that they will be there for you. If there is anyone to let your guard down with, it’s them.
Begin small. Take simple steps to do things differently. Sometimes that will mean taking the opposite action of what you have done. You may have to keep asking that of yourself.
