Do you want a fabulous relationship, but have given up on finding your soulmate? Relationship expert Arielle Ford believes you might be holding yourself back. Luckily Arielle not only knows what the problem is, but how to turn it around.
Your beliefs
Many women are out there thinking, “I’m too old, I’m too fat, I’m too damaged, all the good men are taken, I’m unlucky in love.” If they believe even one of these things, then they prove themselves right over and over again.
Turn it around
In order to attract love into your life, you first have to believe that it’s possible. This requires learning to manage your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.
Not putting out the effort
Say you’re a single mom with 3 kids and you get fired from your job. You know exactly what to do. You’re going to move heaven and earth until you find a job that feeds your kids. But there are a lot of single women out there saying, “Well, if love is meant to be, it’ll happen.” They wouldn’t be so passive about their job, but are when it comes to their love life.
Turn it around
Become visible. The FedEx guy isn’t going to deliver your soulmate to your front door! It doesn’t happen that way. When you’re out in the world, say at Starbucks, stop looking at your smart phone! Start to notice who’s noticing you. If there’s a great guy standing behind you, turn around and start a conversation. Even if he isn’t your ideal mate, learn how to flirt again. Who knows, he might be the brother or friend of your ideal soulmate.
Stuck in the past
Some women haven’t healed from a past heartbreak. I know one woman who mourned a relationship for 20 years. Then she woke up one day when she turned 50 and thought, “The next 20 years could be like the last 20 years, or I could put myself into therapy.” If you’re so worried about love not working out, there’s no space for love to come in.
Turn it around
The woman I mentioned actually only needed 3 sessions—now she’s happily married. We sabotage ourselves by thinking, “I should be able to do this myself.” If you can’t afford a therapist, go to your rabbi, your minister, or a trusted friend. Just reach out. Also there are support groups that can help as well.
Buying into the happily ever after myth
If you’re over the age of 21, chances are you’ve been heartbroken. It’s not personal. There’s not a man or woman I know today who is happily married without a string of heartbreaks behind them. We worry that because love didn’t work out the first time, it won’t work out now.
Turn it around
Know the truth. When you’re with your soulmate, there will be days where you hate them. That conflict is a natural, normal thing. Learning how to navigate the conflict and communicate clearly and effectively… that’s the work of a great relationship.
Ask yourself…
Do I feel emotionally and physically safe with him?
Do we have good communication, connection, and compatibility?
Do we have a shared vision for the future?
