I love being single. But the one consequence of this relationship status – the one part I don’t love at all – is the feeling I get when I tell someone that I’m single and receive the look. The look that sums up the pity and disappointment they feel when they realize that they will be deprived of a conversation involving what my boyfriend does for a living or finding common ground over relationships grievances. So, it’s time to tell you look-givers exactly why I choose to be single, and why you can save your pity for someone who actually needs it.
I’m not lonely
People seem to think that by being single, I’m automatically lonely. They conjure up images of me sitting alone at restaurants, staying in every Saturday to avoid the date night crowds or crying as I RSVP as a party of one to wedding invites. But all being single means is that I haven’t committed to dating just one person. I have the freedom to meet as many new people as I want and go on plenty of dates. I’m also never lonely because of the extra time I have to spend with my friends and family. In lieu of a boyfriend, I fill my days with spontaneous happy hours with college friends or weekly dinners with my siblings. I invest the time I have into the people I want, and because of that my relationships flourish.
I really am focusing on myself
The classic explanation for why someone is single is to say that they’re “working on themselves.” So classic, in fact, that it no longer holds merit as a reason to be sans partner for a lot of people—which is frustrating, because it is absolutely valid. Being a good girlfriend requires a lot of effort, and right now, I don’t have the extra time to devote to being the best version of myself for someone else. Instead, I’m taking that effort and putting it into developing as an individual.
No strings attached
The best part about being single is not having to answer to anyone. If I decide I want to explore Thailand for two weeks, I book a flight. If I want to change career paths and move across the country, there’s no one else to consider who would hold me back. This freedom lets me give in to the slightly selfish side that we all have deep down; the one that wonders what our life could become if we didn’t have to factor in someone else to all of our decisions. I don’t have to wonder – I just do it.
While I appreciate the interest you’ve taken in my relationship status – and I really do know that it comes from a place of love – I hope this clears some things up. I am happy without someone by my side, and will be until I decide it’s time to add someone else into the equation.
