Steve is nervous because the girl he has been seeing has been dropping hints that it is time to DTR (“define the relationship”). He asks his older friend Jake, who has been married for 10 years, “How do I know if I’m ready to commit”? This is the advice Jake gives to Steve.
Do you love her?
Because if you love her, that’s a big mark in the plus column. Of course, plenty of people in love may get divorced because they’re incompatible, but it’s a really strong start. And don’t worry if you don’t know what love is yet – it will come.
Can you imagine yourself together in 10 years?
If you can imagine her older, with a different haircut, as a mom and as you’re rubbing her tired feet … that’s another strong plus. It means you’re looking beyond just the magic of now and considering her soul.
Most importantly, can you imagine yourself in 10 years?
If you don’t know your own path, where you’re going or where you even hope to end up, then you may need to focus on your growth. If you do that growing under her care, you may be a very different person in comparison to who you are now. Maybe that’s good, maybe that’s bad, but it’s different. It’s best to let her know that.
Does she “need” you?
If it seems like her happiness is built on a foundation of you, back away. You’re a great guy, Steve, but I don’t know any guy who’s so great that he can be responsible for the happiness of another human being. Happiness and contentment come from within. It’s important that she knows herself well enough to know that.
Would you introduce her to your mom?
Is she a person you are proud to be with? Are her social skills compatible with your level of social comfort? It may not fly if she’s out having fun all the time while you’re a homebody or vice versa. Is she mature and classy? You know, can she be your date to a wedding without embarrassing you?
Do you feel ready to make this your last romantic relationship? (The number one thing!)
I didn’t get married until being single became more work than fun. Like my mom used to say, “I sowed all my wild oats,” which basically meant that I was done “playing the field.” If she is the woman that satisfies your wants and desires and keeps things interesting, then you might be ready to hang up your single-guy shoes.
